The
purpose behind marriage is the procreation of noble children, who will form the
foundation of virtuous families and a virtuous human society. Through such
offspring, parents attain elevation not attained by them. A family’s gradual
spiritual elevation depends upon the merit of actions of the successive
generations. Man-woman relationship is thus part of a divine process for
fulfilling the ultimate purpose of life, which is spiritual elevation of every
clan of families.
Man,
as a rational being, lives according to his aspirations and freedom of thought,
which produces diversities in the web of human relationship. This diversity is
reflected in the social life, philosophy, art, culture, politics and economics.
Among the complex social relationships, the relationship between man and woman
is most fundamental since it plays a pivotal role in molding the culture of
people. From the seed of man-woman relationship develops all other
relationships - mother-father, son-daughter, sister - brother and so on.
If
the male-female relationship is not placed appropriately, the births proceeding
from it would also have drawbacks. It means that through marriage, the male and
female ought to initiate spiritual enrichment for the next generation. By the
strength of offspring’s virtue, the parents are lifted up to a new plane of
prosperity and peace, which they themselves lacked in life.
Man-woman
relationship calls for extreme caution and analysis in order to provide
enduring beauty to the relationship. Normally, various aspects, such as health,
looks, economic and social status, education, family lineage, caste, religion
etc. are considered before tying the nuptial knot. The seers of India have
enlightened us on the spiritual depth of marriage and the values and vision
associated with marriage. For example, swayamvaram (a girl’s selection
of bridegroom) was allowed under the spiritual guidance of rishis in the olden
times. By the graceful guardianship of the seers, girls used to be endowed with
spiritual knowledge and experience of spiritual visions (darsan).
‘Kulam’ (clan), ‘gotram’ (family stock),
family tradition, faith etc. purports to the evaluation of a family’s worth in
a spiritual point of view. However, caste should not come in the way of such
life evaluation. The basis for such evaluation is the consideration of
cumulative virtue earned by the souls in that family through their deeds in
successive births. Relationship between
the males and females of such families produces positive results, as there is a
matching of culture, wisdom and ability. Most important aspect among this is
the way of worship because there should be a single way of worship in a family.
Karma
Gati or karmic course is influenced by vasanas or propensities of an
individual, which includes the karmic burdens or fate. The karmic courses of
the husband and wife should be complementary. For a scientist husband, an
intellectually evolved wife would be contributing. There is a similar aspect to
the spiritual status of individuals. An intensively spiritual husband and a
less spiritually conscious wife will be a sure recipe for trouble. There is
another aspect. The character and behaviour patterns of individuals vary
according to the type of worship or faith they are attached to. The unity of a family depends upon its spiritual
unity. Therefore, the faith in one Supreme God is important to maintain
spiritual unity in the households. It is only by correcting these underlying
conflicts at the level of the soul can any real improvement be brought about in
strife-torn families.
The
sages said, Bhaarya Bhajati Bhartaaram a wife worships her husband. The
concept only means that by following the footsteps of her husband, a wife
should attain an elevated position in life. The controversy on gender equality
has arisen from a slip in the understanding of the divine status of a husband
and wife and their responsibilities to each other. Success lies in the understanding
of the qualities of both genders and developing together synchronizing these
qualities. In family life, a wife embodies dharma and husband karma.
A
person, who becomes a husband, should protect the chastity of his wife. It
would be possible only when we order the dharmic structure behind life.
Navajyoti Sri Karunakara Guru said that a father should be one with a mind as
pure as the sky and a mother should be one speaking profound words (of wisdom).
Like the sky, which absorbs the hordes of dark clouds, a father who is a
husband should be able to absorb shocks, ups and downs in life with equanimity.
There should be the quality of discrimination about what is right and wrong in
life and one should live with a balanced mind. This is the meaning of ‘a mind
as clear as the sky’.
Such an ability to behave beyond the instincts happens
through the grace of a supremely enlightened Guru.
Develop
sukrutam –a benevolent attitude in all circumstances - that is the
responsibility of a husband. The husband should understand his wife with all
her limitations, cultural and spiritual qualities and give her guidance and
support. Then only she could be elevated to a high status. The bond of husband
and wife is to provide birth to noble children through their vigilant, pious
and pure life. This type of life is possible only when we are guided by an
omniscient soul-knowing Guru. A
woman after marriage is supposed to be living deeply respecting her dutiful
husband. By this, she attains a blessed state in life. This can become
practical only when the woman is enlightened enough to guide her husband in the
path of dharma. The wife should seek life fulfillment through a path of dharma,
the karma of her husband nourishing this goal.
Navajyoti
Sri Karunakara Guru has said that the father should bring up the children in an
atmosphere of proper worship (faith in the One Almighty God), life culture
(habits), love and compassion to fellow beings. It would be possible only when
the father and mother live according to the guidance of the 'Atmajnani Guru'.
The father should make the children understand the difficulties and hardships
that he himself had undergone in life and also create situations in the life of
the children for them to learn from such experiences.(The Dharma of Marriage, Swami Navananma Jnana
Tapaswi, quoted from Santhigiri Souvenir 2016)
